KIA buys VW

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KIA BUYS VW

©KIAwagen

In a stunning industry move KIA buys the behemoth VW Group for an undisclosed amount. $999T. Unconfirmed reports cite that the new automotive heavyweight (Stock symbol: KA$H) fired everyone from the former VW Group of companies and rehired them all the next day at twice their former salaries. New CxO perks include lifetime memberships to #UberOne and limitless free round-trip flights to any #DisneyParks destination on decommissioned #Boeing 747s. Spouses not included.

Company executives on the ground at the new soon-to-open KIAwagen Terafactory, strategically situated directly across the street from the #Tesla Austin Texas Gigafactory and with a planned grand opening on July 1st, could not be found for comment. The new facility - at 3 times the size of said Gigafactory and that has not yet broken ground - will be the site of production of an all-new hyper-luxury 9-seater SUV based on the popular cash-cow KIA #EV9 and canned #Bugatti #Galibier. According to patents filed with the #CDC and #NFL, this 100% Level 6 autonomous nuclear powered luxo-barge will be an industry first and is due out in Q4 of 2024. Technical specifications TBD, the company is currently accepting non-refundable $50K reservations for the launch model internally codenamed Ur-Car. The all-new drivetrain was co-designed with #Tonka and will underpin all of Tonka’s new line of trucks in the coming decade. Tonka is now the most valuable truck brand in the world.

Leaked image of Ur-Car Nuclear Drivetrain

KIA the new darling nameplate of the global conglomerate minted a golden goose with the EV9. Global demand has been so high, KIAwagen has had to contract manufacturing facilities at #Airbus, #Pfizer, #Caterpillar, #Foxconn and #WholeFoods just to keep up. Allegedly. Worldwide sales are expected to eclipse those of the venerated #Beetle, #Corolla and newcomer #ModelY combined, making it the most mentioned KIA of all time.

Noted veteran automotive YouTuber deity and fashionista extraordinaire Doug DeMuro - unanimously pegged to be the best mind to lead the new global giant - is quoted as saying: “Thiiiisssssssssss is the KIAwagen Ur-Car.” Allegedly. He is currently awaiting a 2nd interview. The car-tea sensation is 1st inline to head the new Transportation Renewable Antarctic Sustainability Hub R&D campus of KIAwagen, where the KIA EV6-Turbo-S-e-hybrid-4-Motion-Sportback-Avant-Spyder-Carrera-Long-wheelbase-55 is currently produced. Allegedly.

New Siblings: KIAwagen

Hyundai Group, now 100% wholly owned by KIAwagen, will focus on e.mobility, #OpenAI and Car2X technology, eyeing acquisitions of #Magna, #Starlink, #AndroidAuto and #Xbox. Allegedly. #Stellantis, #Ford and #GM have filed #StopTheSteal injunctions against the new conglomonopoly citing unfair competition. The new KIAwagen subsidiary will also continue to run the Heavy Industry Shipbuilding Operations planned to be moved from its Korea port-side manufacturing facility to land-locked Las Vegas, Nevada in Q4 2024. Allegedly.

JustCleo, Team ModernChassis

The original article was published under extreme duress in an online only 1956 edition of Town & Country Magazine. Any attempts to verify alleged references are highly discouraged.

#ModernChassis #VW #KIA #DougDeMuro

COMMENTS: KIAbuysVW